yvonne, i owe you a sincere shout-out for keeping it real and always posing comments! i hope summer in monterey has been rejuvenating.
so it is august 9. i am proud of myself for being fearless and totally independent here. i have done many things and ventured to new parts of hanoi on a weekly basis. i have experienced a really harsh and expensive learning curve, but i have kept going, always seeking out the joy in this adventure. now, after about two and a half months, the walls are starting to close in on me. the traffic, the noise, the buildings, the concrete, the relentless sales pitches, the sheer density of this place are all making me feel trapped. teaching is a grind, and i can't see myself doing this forever. i am so blind here because i have no idea what the students really expect from me, and a needs assessment questionnaire has absolutely no value for capturing the deeper expectations of a culture and a diverse age group of students. also, three months isn't even enough time for me to get into the groove, especially since i started teaching my third day here. i have felt rushed from the beginning. the saving graces of hanoi are my students, especially the ones i have been teaching since i arrived. they are my only friends here (besides my room mates), and as we have slowly grown to know and trust one another, i have come to learn more about hanoi and vietnam. it is hard to get to know this place below the surface, and i certainly will not do so in three months (in three years for that mater). however, i have gained little glimpses and insights that have helped me to understand and to trust more.
despite my students' care and concern, i still feel trapped, isolated, exhausted, and incompetent here. this has been the hardest three months of my life. it is my hope that it will mean something in the end, either for me or the people who i've taught.
until next time, nat
