yvonne, i owe you a sincere shout-out for keeping it real and always posing comments! i hope summer in monterey has been rejuvenating.
so it is august 9. i am proud of myself for being fearless and totally independent here. i have done many things and ventured to new parts of hanoi on a weekly basis. i have experienced a really harsh and expensive learning curve, but i have kept going, always seeking out the joy in this adventure. now, after about two and a half months, the walls are starting to close in on me. the traffic, the noise, the buildings, the concrete, the relentless sales pitches, the sheer density of this place are all making me feel trapped. teaching is a grind, and i can't see myself doing this forever. i am so blind here because i have no idea what the students really expect from me, and a needs assessment questionnaire has absolutely no value for capturing the deeper expectations of a culture and a diverse age group of students. also, three months isn't even enough time for me to get into the groove, especially since i started teaching my third day here. i have felt rushed from the beginning. the saving graces of hanoi are my students, especially the ones i have been teaching since i arrived. they are my only friends here (besides my room mates), and as we have slowly grown to know and trust one another, i have come to learn more about hanoi and vietnam. it is hard to get to know this place below the surface, and i certainly will not do so in three months (in three years for that mater). however, i have gained little glimpses and insights that have helped me to understand and to trust more.
despite my students' care and concern, i still feel trapped, isolated, exhausted, and incompetent here. this has been the hardest three months of my life. it is my hope that it will mean something in the end, either for me or the people who i've taught.
until next time, nat
2 comments:
Hang in there, lady. You are on the home stretch. You better believe you're going to get some frantic skypes from me on those traumatic nights when horse is on the menu for dinner. I love the pictures you post - they're are wonderful. How do you get the strip of photos on the right? I've only been able to get one picture over there on mine.
Love ya, and good luck!
Christina
Hey kid,
Im sorry to hear that you are not as enthusiastic as in the beginning. But you are learning a lot. Things I know you are telling yourself and everyone else is telling you. Trust me, you accomplish many things in your life, that I could never fathum putting myself through. But you always come out positive and you grow from it. I cant imagine the life there, and its hard for me to put myself in your shoes. I just know that you always walk out of these things wiser, and humbled. You have seen more things in your 26 years, than most people ever will in their lives. I know you are soaking it up, more than I could advise you to. But just take a deep breathe at times. Stop moving, stop walking and just take a deep breathe, not only to remember the smell of Vietnam, but just to gain some grounding. Remember your coming home soon, and you have a clan of supporters waiting to hear all about it.
You are my only link to such places!! LOL
I hate to see you down, but I know you'll take the most out of your experience, so i never worry too much. Keep your head up. I can't wait to see you, and Im sure Scott misses you so much!!
Luv ya kid.
: )
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